I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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