he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
