I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
