this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
