Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
