Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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