would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
