is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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