I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
