If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my shit smells like andre
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
