Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
