Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
