Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
