I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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