not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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