addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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