summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
