i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
