is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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