woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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