and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
