Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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