I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
