I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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