What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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