why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
