RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
