i think i have two assholes
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
