Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
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All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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