ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
