I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
