I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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