The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
