i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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