what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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