I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
