the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
