Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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