I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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