I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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