All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
