You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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