They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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