i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
