Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
