The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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