so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
