fuck your aforementioned shoe
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
