Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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