yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
