A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
