I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
