The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
