watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
everyone is single if you try hard enough
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
