True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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