they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
