1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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