Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
