Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
