because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
