Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize