Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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