I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
