I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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