saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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