I want to have your abortion
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
