One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My ATM looks so different sober.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
