saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
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just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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