a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
