his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
