found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
