I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
