I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
