Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
