This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
