I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Randomize
