im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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