Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
