her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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